Tough Guy

“When you walked into the store where I work, I was shocked. And then…I had this overwhelming feeling of relief. Like this was what I’d been waiting for. This was what was missing. You.”

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REVIEW

Would I read this again? Yes No Maybe

Spicy Level Legend How spicy is this book?

Tropes	Trigger Warnings
Friends to lovers, Hockey romance, MM romance, Reconnecting, Opposites attract	Homophobia, Depression, Anxiety

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SUMMARY

Want to just skip to the spice? I got you: 1, 16, 17, 19, 24

Ryan Price is a professional hockey player. His position is Enforcer. Basically, he beats people up on the ice. And he’s good at it. He’s a very large, intimidating man. On the outside. On the inside? He’s a big ole ball of anxiety. With low self-esteem. Ryan has played for the NHL for many years and every year he gets traded to a new team. Not because he’s not a good player, he is. But he doesn’t ever bond well with the team and it's not like he’s a star player, like say, Rozanov or Hollander.

In September of 2018, Ryan is playing for the Toronto Guardians. Ryan doesn’t make friends easily but the back-up goalie, Wyatt Hayes, seems determined to be friends with him. Two other players that might sound familiar are Dallas Kent and Troy Barrett. But Ryan doesn’t get along with either of them.

Ryan has just moved into The Village in Toronto. Which is a predominately gay area. Ryan is out, just not loud about it. He stops into a drugstore to pick something up before a travel game and runs into Fabian Salah. Ryan lived with Fabian’s family when they were 17. His family “billeted hockey players” - whatever that means. Ryan had a crush on Fabian then but he never told him.

Fabian is shocked to see Ryan. He was the only hockey player Fabian ever liked/tolerated. All the rest of them Fabian thought were homophobic bullies. But Ryan was always different. He had a crush on him back then but never thought for one second that Ryan was gay.

They chat for a bit, Fabian tells him that he is a musician and he is playing a show at a bar over the weekend. Ryan doesn’t know if that means he’s invited or not, but come Saturday, he shows up. He stays after the show is over to talk to Fabian and then walks him home. Fabian offers to be his local guide and show him around the area sometime.

Ryan’s therapist has told him he should try and make friends. So when Wyatt asks what he’s doing over the weekend, Ryan says he’s having furniture delivered and asks Wyatt if he wants to come over for beers and to help. Of course Wyatt says yes.

A few days later, Ryan goes to a local coffee shop and runs into Fabian. They end up hanging out together the rest of the day and make plans to see each other when Ryan gets back from his away games.

One of the away games is against Ottawa. And our favorite bisexual Russian is there running his mouth like always. Toronto wins against them and then flies to Montreal, then Columbus, before flying home.

Ryan goes to Fabian's open-mic show and then walks him home again after. At Fabian’s house, he is unsuccessfully flirting with Ryan (because Ryan doesn’t believe he is worthy to be flirted with). Then he kisses him. Ryan pulls away first and tells Fabian that “you don’t want this. Trust me.” Fabian tells him he wanted to kiss him when they were teenagers so yes he does want this. Ryan leaves but not before telling Fabian that he is no good for him. Fabian is upset but Ryan leaves anyways.

Fabian’s friend, Vanessa, tells Fabian that maybe he should take it easy on Ryan. Clearly, Ryan has anxiety, and is a wee bit socially awkward. Maybe Fabian should just take it slow and talk to him. He texts him and asks if they can get together and talk. Ryan hasn’t been able to stop thinking about him and of course agrees.

Wyatt volunteers at a community center with kids and asks Ryan to go with. Ryan likes kids but doesn’t know why kids would want to hang out with him but Wyatt talks him into it.

Ryan goes and loves it. The kids love him and he makes plans with Wyatt to go again.

Ryan got invited to go out with Fabian for one of his friends birthdays but it's also Dallas Kent’s birthday party and even though Ryan hates him, he told his coach he would make an effort to be more involved with team activities so he goes. He’s not there very long before he realizes he really doesn’t want to be. He leaves and heads straight for where he knows Fabian is.

Fabian had been sulking. He really wanted Ryan to be there even though he knew he had another obligation. And then Ryan shows up and Fabian’s mood changes instantly. They dance, really just grind up on each other, and then Ryan takes Fabian to his place.

Ryan tells Fabian that he has anxiety and takes medicine for it. Because of that medicine, and a slew of other issues, he has a hard time getting off. Fabian is not deterred by this but is like okay I can fix you, lets do this.

They fool around, Fabian spends the night, they fool around again the next morning. Fabian enjoys himself but Ryan wasn’t lying - he has a difficult time.

The next day, Ryan is at the practice facility where everyone is watching TV. Shane and Ilya made an announcement that they are starting a charity together. Wyatt expresses his surprise and says this is going to blow some people's minds. Troy Barrett pipes up “They’re probably fucking” (which I’ve already read Troys book so this made me want to pop him in the face) and Kent replies, “Gross, Rozanov would never. But I’ll bet Hollander is a fucking homo.”

Ryan walks away and Wyatt finds him later and tells him that he told them to grow up. Wyatt says he isn’t putting up with it and Ryan shouldn’t either. Later, Ryan approaches Kent in the locker room. Kent looks (rightfully so) terrified. Ryan tells him that he’s gay. Kent says he doesn’t have a problem with that or with Ryan. Ryan says he has a problem with the homophobic shit Kent says and he doesn’t want to hear it anymore. Kent backs down very quickly because Ryan is a big scary dude.

The next time he sees Fabian, Fabian makes it his goal to get Ryan off. And he’s successful.

Fabian has a weekly brunch date with his friends and he invites Ryan to the next one. Ryan is nervous at first but eventually relaxes and enjoys himself with Fabian’s friends. The next morning, Ryan is watching YouTube videos of Duncan Harvey, a player on the team he plays next who is a brutal fighter. Ryan knows they’ll get into it and so he’s watching film to see how he fights. Fabian wakes up and is confused as to why he’s watching it. Are the fights pre-planned? Do they hate each other? Why are they fighting? Ryan tries to explain and Fabian tells him that he doesn’t like him fighting. Ryan really doesn’t like it either. He hates it actually but that’s his job. He’s good at it.

At the game, Duncan tries to get Ryan to fight him, but Ryan refuses. He headbutts Ryan but still, he skates away and won’t engage. This gets him into trouble with his coach for not fighting back. That night, Fabian texts him and asks him to come over.

Fabian hates hockey. His parents and two older siblings are very into hockey and Fabian has always felt like the odd one. They don’t understand him and he doesn't understand them. He kind of blames hockey for his lack of relationship with his parents. He never watches it but he did watch some of that game and saw Ryan get headbutted.

Ryan goes over there and Fabian is checking him over. Then he asks Ryan if he will be his boyfriend.

For some reason, Fabian decides to look up Ryan Price fights. Then he gets real weirded out about it. It’s hard for him to think of the Ryan he knows - sweet, shy, teddy bear like - with the Ryan Price the hockey world knows.

Wyatt had been playing goalie for a few months when their starter got injured and in December, he gets traded to Ottawa. Ryan is happy for him but sad. Wyatt is the first real friend he has made in a long time and now he’s leaving.

On Christmas, Ryan is alone in his apartment and throws his back out. Days later, Ryan tells Fabian that his back feels way better but Fabian thinks he should rest and not play. Ryan’s like dude that’s not an option. Fabian watches the game and gets annoyed - at Ryan lying about feeling better, about Ryan being intimidating on the ice, basically at Ryan doing his job.

Three days later, Ryan is packing for an away game, and Fabian tries to tell him again that he shouldn’t play when he's hurt. Ryan said the team doctor gives him Toradol shots for the pain before the game and sometimes gives pain meds for afterwards. Fabian gives him shit for fighting and Ryan’s like I’m a hockey player, this is my job, this is who I am. Fabian says he’s so much more than just a hockey player. Ryan says he’s not going to just walk away from a NHL career, he's not stupid.

Fabian gets mad and leaves.

(Which is totally unfair and just mean. As Ryan said, Fabian knew what his job was when they got together, so why is he being like this? It’s selfish for Fabian to just expect Ryan to give up his career because Fabian has a personal hatred of all things hockey.)

Two weeks go by and Ryan is taking more pills than normal. He’s getting the Toradol shots, pain meds after, and has started asking for sleeping pills. Flying has become almost impossible without Wyatt.

The week before the NHL All-Star weekend, Wyatt calls Ryan and tells him that Duncan Harvey killed himself. Wyatt can’t go to the funeral because he’s out of town but Ryan goes. He thought there would be more NHL players but he’s the only one until a certain Russian sits down right next to him. Ilya didn’t know Duncan but mental health and suicide are important topics to Ilya so he showed up. Ilya says mental health isn’t talked about enough and Ryan agrees. Ilya knows some of Ryan’s struggles from the year they played together. He asks Ryan if hockey makes him happy and Ryan said no, it makes me miserable actually.

Ilya tells him that Wyatt talks about him and how they volunteered at the center with kids. Ilya asks what he's doing this summer because they are organizing these camps for their charity, “me and Shane. Hollander, I mean.” Then he looks away embarrassed. He wants Ryan to come coach. Ryan doesn’t really agree but he doesn’t say no. Ilya tells him to find something that makes him happy and then he leaves.

Ryan realizes he could just quit hockey. It doesn’t make him happy anymore so why is he still doing it?

Fabain is hanging out at his friend’s, Vanessa, shop. He tells her that he misses Ryan a lot and she said, “As soon as the hockey stuff got real, you bolted.” She tells Fabian maybe Ryan needs love and support and you ran away. Fabian feels bad but he also doesn’t know what to do to fix the problem. (Maybe try supporting Ryan but… whatever).

Fabian is releasing a new album and he thinks after that, he will reach out to Ryan again.

At the release party, Ryan shows up. Fabian is so happy to see him and Ryan walks him home. Ryan blurts out that he quit hockey. Fabian is relieved and guilty. He tells Ryan he doesn’t have to quit for Fabian. Ryan says he’s not, Fabian was right, hockey isn’t good for him. Then he tells Fabian he’s in love with him. Fabian tells him he thinks he might have always been in love with Ryan.

Fabian has a tour coming up this summer and asks Ryan if he wants to tag along - which of course he does.

Epilogue - Fabian and Ryan are in Montreal for the first week of the hockey charity camps. Ryan is enjoying himself more than he thought. He has more fun teaching hockey to kids than playing it. They’re just finishing up for the day, Wyatt is looking for Ilya to give him some paperwork but he needs to head out. Ryan says he’ll give it to him. He walks down the hall and hears Ilya in a room so he pushes the door open and walks in on Ilya making out with Shane. Shane is obviously freaking out and Ilya is like calm down, Ryan isn’t going to say anything. All of sudden, their friendship makes a lot more sense to Ryan.