The Long Game

“I already chose you, Hollander.”

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REVIEW

Would I read this again? Yes No Maybe

Spicy Level Legend How spicy is this book?

Tropes	Trigger Warnings
Hockey romance, MM romance, Hidden romance, Forbidden romance	Depression, Homophobia, Suicidal thoughts

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SUMMARY

Want to just skip to the spice? I got you: 5, 8, 11, 13, 15, 20, 27, 30, 34, 37

When we last left Ilya and Shane we knew that Ilya had signed with Ottawa, had moved to Ottawa, that they were still keeping their relationship a secret but some people had found out - mainly Shane’s parents and his best friend, Hayden.

This book starts during the summer/off season of 2020. Ilya and Shane are hosting their second year of their charity hockey camps and it's going well. They have recruited some other hockey players - some retired, some not - to help coach. Ryan Price, one of Ilya’s old teammates, is one of the coaches and he walked in on Ilya and Shane kissing last year during the first camp. So now he knows. Ryan is retired and also gay, and is currently dating Fabian, and they go out to dinner one night. Shane is a little uncomfortable at first but they have the cover of the hockey camps and just a few coaches going out to dinner that just so happens to be with one of their boyfriends and just so happens to be a gay bar.

Ilya and Shane both seem to want to keep their relationship on the downlow. But they are both struggling with that but trying to pretend they aren’t. Ilya more than Shane.

The problems in this book can be over simplified as: Shane is uptight, struggling through a very restrictive diet, and can be insensitive (probably because he’s hungry). Ilya is going through a lot more than Shane but also he’s the one who has changed everything about his life while Shane hasn’t. Ilya is struggling through depression, isolation, loneliness. Ilya moved from Boston to Ottawa (and now his team sucks and loses all the time, while Shane is winning Stanley Cups), sold most of his fancy cars because they aren’t compatible with Canadian weather, switched agents, doesn’t go out clubbing and picking up randoms anymore, and hasn’t told anyone about Shane. Unlike Shane who told his parents, Hayden, and Rose.

In the beginning of the book, Ilya and Shane now have the same agent (another thing Ilya changed) and they tell her that they are together. She is very supportive and asks if they are going public. They both say no, not yet. She tells them she will be there for them whenever they are ready.

At the hockey camps, Ilya shows his jealous side when a reporter is talking to Shane. He touches Shane's arm and Ilya skates down to where they are and fires a puck right at the glass behind Shane’s head. Shane didn’t talk to him the rest of the day and Ilya didn’t want to apologize, he just wanted Shane to stop being mad. He does apologize though. Tells Shane that he’s just worried that maybe Shane will realize there’s other cute gay guys out there who he wouldn’t have to hide.

At home, Ilya and Shane’s mom, Yuna, are making dinner while Shane mopes about how Ryan almost walked in on them kissing again. Shane’s family has fully accepted Ilya and it's just the sweetest thing. Ilya’s mom died when he was young, his dad was the worst, and now he has these two people who love him like he was their own. While they’re making dinner, Yuna gives Shane shit for not helping and Ilya says, “I’m helping.” Yuna says, “I know you are. That’s why you’re my favorite son.”

And all of our hearts explode with happiness for Ilya.

Yuna asks them if they think they can tell the rest of the camp coaches about their relationship. Ilya wants to tell Wyatt, who is also his goalie in Ottawa, but Shane doesn’t want him too. Yuna asks how come Shane’s teammate can know but Ilya’s can't? Such a good, valid point Yuna.

While they were out to dinner with Ryan and Fabian, Fabian invited them to his show (he’s a singer). Ilya said he had already purchased tickets. While they were there, Ilya feels starved for touch. He misses physical touch, he misses going out to clubs and meeting new people - not that he wants to hook up with anyone, he only wants Shane, but he wants to be touched. He reaches out and barely touches Shane’s arm and Shane flinches so Ilya steps away. Shane’s POV is that he desperately wants to touch Ilya but also he still gets enjoyment from their sneaking around. When Ilya touches him and then looks sad when Shane flinches, Shane reaches out and puts his hand on Ilya’s back and rubs it or just touches him for the whole show. That one little touch seems to make Ilya relax and look incredibly happy.

October starts the hockey season. This will be the 11th season they’ve been in the league, 11th season of hiding - 7 of secret hookups and 3 in a secret relationship. They are both sick of hiding but this is what they’ve agreed on.

Shane is fresh off another Stanley Cup win - his third of his career. He becomes a free agent at the end of the season but he can’t imagine playing anywhere else but Montreal. This is his team, his fans, his Stanley Cup wins. The Montreal fans are incredibly loud and demanding … I was going to say supportive but they don’t support them when they play badly, they expect perfection.

Meanwhile, Ilya’s Ottawa team barely has any fans. Their team is so awful, hardly anyone comes to the games. Ilya is Captain but he doesn’t know why. He doesn’t feel like he should be. He doesn’t hype the team up, doesn’t go out with them, hang out with them. He feels like he has no energy to do any of it. They ask him out after the first game (they lost), he says maybe next time, goes home and his brain is doing a good job of telling him he’s worthless and it sounds a lot like his dad. He texts Shane, because he just needs him, but Shane is already asleep.

Ilya isn’t completely alone in Ottawa, he has Shane’s parents. He goes over there, eats dinner, and plays Yahtzee (seriously, cutest thing). They watch Shane play against Boston and Ilya watches as Shane does Ilya’s signature move and then wink at the camera. Ilya is like WTF was that. He is annoyed and turned on at the same time. They video chat with each other later and jerk off together. Shane is overcome by how much he feels for Ilya and how the days feel incredibly long without him there. Ilya looks intense and Shane thinks he’s going to say something upsetting but just tells Shane he loves him a lot.

A few days later, they send each other selfies and we find out that they delete every picture they send each other. Which is incredibly sad. They delete anything in their text history that could give away their secret, so I’m guessing every single text ever.

When they finally get to see each other, it's at their game. They get a few days together after and plan to spend it touching each other continuously. Hayden ruins that though when he calls the next day asking if they can watch his kids while he takes his wife, Jackie, to the hospital because she hurt her ankle. Ilya absolutely loves kids so even though he doesn’t like Hayden, he likes Hayden’s kids. While there, his twin girls ask them if they’re married, when they say no, they ask if they're going to get married, then suggest they do it today. So with an audience of Hayden’s son and their stuffed animals, armed with pink and purple plastic rings, Hayden’s twin girls marry them. Ilya and Shane are both shocked at how choked up they both get.

Back at home, Ilya and Shane talk about how Hayden’s kids didn’t care that they were in a relationship. Ilya says maybe other people won’t care that much either. Shane thinks they’d care too much. Ilya gets annoyed with Shane and says maybe he cares too much about other peoples opinions. He seems off…sad. Shane tries to ask him if he's okay, and Ilya brushes it off. Shane tells him that he gets worried sometimes and maybe he should talk to someone. Ilya tells him not to worry.

Shane finds out that Hayden has been doing FanMail (Cameos). (This is important for later).

Ilya decides he needs to get back to being more social so he decides he's going to host a Halloween party at his house this year. He invites all of his teammates and gets a little drunk…and then a little high. Once everyone leaves, he gets a text from Shane after midnight, asking if everyone is gone. When Ilya says yeah, Shane shows up at his door. They weren’t supposed to see each other tonight because Shane has early morning practice but when Ilya had sent him a picture of his Halloween costume, he just needed to see him. Ilya is so happy and surprised to see him. The next morning, after Shane leaves, Ilya bursts into tears and realizes maybe he does need to talk to someone.

He starts seeing a therapist. The only one in Ottawa that speaks Russian. This is helpful for Ilya since Russian is still easier for him to communicate in.

After his first appointment, we find out that Ilya has a photo album on his phone called Boring and it contains six photos. The photos he took of them at the NHL awards forever ago. He had been transferring them from phone to phone over the years and looked at them frequently. They deleted a lot of their pictures but Ilya kept these.

The NHL did a documentary on them, highlighting their rivalry over the years. Ilya was annoyed to do it and even more annoyed to watch it. He said he couldn’t say anything he actually wanted to say about Shane. When they do watch it, Shane sees the footage of when he got laid out by Marlow. Apparently he has never taken the time to watch it and for the first time he sees how worried Ilya looked. Ilya does not want to watch it and Shane wonders outloud how anybody could have seen this, seen Ilya reacting, and still not know about them? (Because people are dumb and see what they want to see, however, if any BookTokers had been watching it, we would have known.)

The next day, Shane gets an email from the NHL commissioner, Roger Crowell (it took me multiple re-reads, then while watching a NFL game, realized why the name sounds familiar. The NFL commish name is Roger Goodell). The commish wants to meet with Shane. Shane immediately freaks out because why?

Well it's because Roger is a dick. A homophobic dick. He has heard through the grapevine that Shane is gay (Shane has come out to his teammates only). Roger tells him that he doesn’t need to know anything else, and neither does anyone else. Basically he doesn’t want Shane to come out publicly. The NHL doesn’t need another Scott Hunter is what he implied.

After the meeting, Shane feels gross and Ilya is mad. Mad at the commish and mad at Shane.

At Ilya’s next therapy session, he tells her that if everyone found out about him and Shane, then maybe they’d both get kicked out of the NHL. Maybe they could get married and be together publicly. He said, “Sometimes I feel like I might scream, it’s so hard keeping this secret. I love hockey, and I deserve to have the career I want for as long as I want it. I’ve earned that. But if I had to choose…I’d choose him.”

It's now November 2020, and Troy Barrett has been traded to Ottawa. Troy was basically kicked off his old team by calling his teammate , and best friend Dallas Kent, a rapist after some women came out and accused him. The NHL was standing behind Kent and Troy was having a hard time dealing with that. Troy has his own book, Role Model, which goes into a lot more detail than what Ilya pays attention to. Ottawa also gets a puppy which greatly improves Ilya’s mood, especially because he doesn’t get to see Shane for two weeks.

At his next therapy appointment, his therapist mentions how it seems like Shane has support and is happy and comfortable in his life while Ilya seems alone. Ilya changed so much and Shane hasn’t changed anything. Ilya tells her it's not like that, he doesn’t want her thinking badly of Shane, but he can see how it is a little like that. She encourages him to talk to someone, a friend or a teammate, and open up a little. Do something that he likes to do, that he used to do (other than be a manwhore). Maybe talk to Shane about how he is really feeling, tell Shane about therapy.

A few days later, he comes out as bi to Troy. When he tells Shane about it, Shane is a little confused. He didn’t know Ilya was even friends with Troy and he was concerned that Ilya told him about Shane. When he asks, Ilya gets mad and says “only you can tell your friends about us, right?” Shane is taken back but before they can fight, Ilya says he has to go and hangs up.

They see each other at Christmas but they’re both snippy at each other and it's tense. Shane knows Ilya is hiding something from him but he doesn’t know what.

Ilya asks him to go to one of his teammates' parties and Shane is confused. They don’t go out together especially to team things. Ilya thinks it wouldn’t be a big deal, everyone knows they are friends, Shane is home for the holidays, Ilya invites him to a party, big deal. But Shane doesn’t want to go. Ilya gets mad because he has a boyfriend that doesn’t want anyone to know they’re together. This confuses Shane because he’s like yes, this has been the plan, is this not still the plan? Ilya says Shane gets to tell people, Shane has people, Ilya has no one. Shane tries to say it's not easy for him either being in hiding and both of them making sacrifices which INFURIATES Ilya (and us). Ilya thinks about how he could have stayed in Boston, he could be winning cups, setting records, but no - he chose to come to a shitty team that doesn’t win just so he could be in Shane’s hometown. So he could be two hours away from Shane. To eventually build a life with him here.

Ilya asks him, “You wouldn’t even choose me, would you? If it is between me and hockey.”

And Shane….I love him but stupid stupid man…says, “Would you choose me?”

The audacity.

Ilya tells him to go home. He doesn’t want to talk to him, he doesn’t want to look at him, Shane needs to leave.

Shane doesn’t want to and can’t leave well enough alone, and asks him again.

Ilya says the line that will break us when we watch it on the show - “I already chose you, Hollander. Go home. Please.”

Shane goes back to Montreal but (FINALLY) has a realization. Ilya has given up everything for Shane. Shane knows he has fucked up and he doesn’t know what to do. He calls his mom and she basically tells him to calm the fuck down. She says she knows Ilya. She knows Ilya loves him and maybe Shane just needs to give him some time and chill out for once in his life.

When he gets off the phone, he looks at Ilya’s instagram for like the first time ever. Ilya posts some random pictures but as Shane is looking at them he realizes all of them are in one way or another about Shane.

Ilya has another therapy appointment the next day. He tells her about his fight with Shane and how he still hasn’t talked to him. Ilya feels like he fucked up. He realizes now that from Shane’s point of view going to the party, even Ilya asking him to go to the party, would be a big step. He also regrets asking him if he would choose him. He thinks he ruined everything. Meanwhile, Shane is thinking he ruined everything. Silly boys - JUST TALK.

Ilya finally calls Shane after his appointment. They apologize to each other. Ilya tells Shane about therapy. They realize they won’t be seeing each other for a few weeks but say maybe distance is good right now and they will have to have a big talk, mainly around Ilya and his feelings, when they see each other again.

In January, the Centaurs are headed to Florida from one of the Carolinas. They experience plane trouble and there is a strong possibility that they are going to crash. Ilya wants to talk to Shane badly but Shane is playing a game right now and all Ilya has is Wi-Fi. So he gets on Instagram and writes Shane a message.

“Shane, I love you. Always. Maybe from the first time I saw you. I am thinking only about you right now. A million memories. Thank you for those. Whatever happens, I am with you. Safe in your heart. I believe it.”

The plane was luckily able to land safely.

Shane checks his phone after the game, on the bus. He sees his texts first which just says sorry for the instagram messages. He reads those and is like wtf….Then JJ tells everyone on the bus about the plane. Shane immediately freaks out, internally mostly, but JJ can tell he’s in a panic, so not hiding it very well. As soon as he gets to the hotel, he calls Ilya.

They Facetime. Shane cries, Ilya calls him “Sweetheart”. Shane tells him he’s not allowed to die first.

The next day, JJ shows up at Shane’s hotel room. He tells Shane he knows that Shane has this thing for Ilya. Shane panics for a minute but then JJ says “Having a crush on a straight man is no good, buddy.” Shane wants to tell JJ but he doesn’t know how to be like hey, I’ve been lying to you my whole career, and I’m actually in love with my rival. So he just goes along with what JJ says.

Two days later, Ilya gets home and Shane is waiting for him. Shane had a ton of candles all over the living room and Ilya remembers when he had told Shane that one day, he would cover the dock at the cottage with candles before he asked him to marry him. Shane then gets on one knee. He tells Ilya that they have spent so long denying what they felt, and now hiding it from the world, but he wants Ilya. “I choose you, Ilya. I promise I will always, always choose you.”

Of course, Ilya says yes. The ring is too big so Ilya puts it on his crucifix necklace. He asks Shane where his ring is and Shane says he didn’t buy it yet, didn’t want to be cocky that Ilya would say yes. Shane tells Ilya he is thinking about coming out, going public, getting married - the whole nine yards - and he wants to do this summer. Ilya is excited. He is so sick of hiding.

Centaurs actually start winning games. It just takes a near death experience to get their act together.

At the All-Star Weekend - we get funny moments between Ilya and Shane giving each other shit and Wyatt wondering why they sit next to each other. Also, Ilya giving Scott Hunter shit. Then, Cliff knocks on Ilya’s door when he’s two fingers deep into Shane. Cliff thinks Ilya has multiple women in there with him. Shane ends up spending the night in Ilya’s room - which he has never done during an All-Star weekend but fuck it, they’re almost married.

In February, Troy Barrett tells the team he’s gay and that he’s dating Harris (social media guy). He plans on using Pride Night, when they play against his old team, to come out publicly. The night he does, Ilya is proud of him and loves it. But also - it sucks for him. He drives to Shane’s house and is upset.

Ilya is also encouraged by his therapist to tell one of his friends about Shane. So he calls up Svetlana and tells her over dinner.

In March, Ilya goes to Harris’ parents house for dinner with Troy. Ilya tells Troy that he’s in a relationship with a man, who isn’t exactly out yet. Troy guesses who it is and is supportive. Harris’ parents have lots of dogs and there’s one who seems to really like Ilya. Harris tells him that that dog needs a home and so Ilya finally gets his wish - his very own dog. He names her Anya. Shane is hesitant at first about the dog but seeing how happy Ilya is - he gets over it real quick.

One week later, Ilya (and Anya) head to Montreal to see Shane. They all go over to Hayden’s house so the kids can see the dog. Hayden remembers he needs to do this FanMail (like Cameo) and leaves the room to do it. One of Hayden’s kids left something in the car, in the garage, and Ilya and Shane offer to go get it. They make out, because they’re in love and why not?

The next day, Hayden comes over, looking real upset. He didn’t realize that when he sent out his FanMail that you could see something in the mirrors behind him. What’s that something? Oh, Ilya and Shane making out. The guy he sent the FanMail to, fucking Brad, then posted it online and its already gone viral. Hayden feels terrible. At first, Shane thinks Ilya is going to punch Hayden, but Ilya (shockingly) says it's okay. Hayden kept their secret for years and this was an accident. Hayden says the whole team is shocked, JJ is hurt, there are comments online, and in the locker room, that maybe Shane shouldn’t go to practice.

Ilya has to leave, which he feels bad for because Shane doesn’t handle stress well. When he gets home, his coach is waiting for him. His Ottawa coach is super chill about the whole thing. He just wanted to let Ilya know that he, and the whole organization support him. However, Crowell has ordered that Ilya and Shane be benched until this is “dealt with”.

Shane enters the Montreal locker room and everyone is looking at him with confusion and disgust (except Hayden). The coach calls him in and tells him that he’s benched and is super pissed off about the whole thing - total opposite of Ilya’s coach. Shane goes back out into the locker room and announces that he knows it's weird but it's been going on for years and it hasn’t stopped him from contributing to the team or winning cups. JJ calls him a liar and tells him to fuckin go home and Hayden stands up to him.

They both get an email from Crowell saying that they have a meeting with him in two days. Their agent drafted a statement but Shane’s coach told him he couldn’t issue any statements. Ilya’s like well he ain’t my fucking coach.

Ilya’s neighbors have these two little kids who absolutely love him. They always shout encouraging stuff when he drives by, they trick or treat at his house, make signs for outside their house. When he is taking Anya for a walk he sees a new sign in front of their house. It says “We love you Ilya!” and underneath has two action figures - one of Ilya and one of Shane.

At the meeting, Crowell is an asshole. He says that this behavior won’t be tolerated and they’re like excuse me? Crowell wants them to issue a statement that the league has written which basically says that them making out was a prank they were pulling on Hayden (because what two straight guys wouldn’t pull a prank like that?) and that they are sorry.

Ilya is nervous that Shane is going to agree and he knows he’ll go along with whatever Shane wants. But Shane surprises him by saying no and telling Crowell that they are getting married. Crowell tells them that if they want a future in the NHL, they will NOT be doing that. Shane basically tells him to fuck off and then says, “I choose him. Come on, Ilya.”

Ilya is just so fucking happy that Shane did that and is even more impressed when he finds out that Shane recorded the whole converstation.

Outside, Shane held Ilya’s hand as they walked to a restaurant to eat lunch. In public. In Montreal. Later, they make a social media post about their relationship.

JJ comes over and he and Shane talk. He finds out that Shane has been hiding this for 11 years - the entire time they have known each other. Shane apologizes for lying but won’t apologize for his relationship with Ilya. JJ’s feelings are hurt (for Shane hiding it) but it appears he will get over it.

Ilya’s return to his team is way more welcoming than Shane’s. Ilya makes an announcement about him and Shane and all his teammates do is give him shit for trying to one up Troy and Harris. They are all happy for him and very supportive.

Ottawa and Montreal meet in the first round of the playoffs. Apparently, in hockey, you play best of 7? I don’t know, but regardless, they each win 3 so it goes to game 7. And it goes into overtime. Ilya has the puck and Shane is about to steal it from him when he trips and Ilya makes the goal. Ottawa moves on in the playoffs. Montreal is out.

When the team lines up for handshakes, Ottawa is so freaking nice to Shane. Him and Ilya feel awkward, for the first time ever probably, so they just shake hands. But yet, Wyatt, the goalie, hugs him.

In the locker room, the whole team (except for Hayden…and kind of JJ) thinks that Shane tripped on purpose. So does basically every Montreal fan. But no one in Ottawa thinks that. It seems like Montreal has forgotten all the times Shane has won against Ilya.

Shane is a free agent now and Ilya tells him he should leave Montreal. Shane jokes and says go where? Ottawa. But they both realize that might not be a joke.

Ottawa is playing New York in the next round and Scott Hunter shows up at Ilya’s door. He tells them he felt sick when they got outed the way that they did. He might not understand their relationship (because Ilya is a dick) but it's clearly been working for years and never interfering in their professional relationship (aka he doesn’t think Shane tripped on purpose). He wants them to join him, and some other players, in creating a club or something. To help support other players when dealing with shit from the league.

Ottawa loses to New York and on the way home, Ilya is overcome with depressive thoughts. Which makes him mad - he has a dog, he’s engaged, he loves his team, he’s out but yet he is still depressed. When he gets home, Shane is there. He tells Shane that he’s not okay, and that he’s like his mom. Shane is worried he is thinking about suicide but Ilya tells him no. He is going to see about getting started on some antidepressants.

In July - Shane signs with Ottawa. FINALLY Ilya and him will be on the same team. After 13 years of sneaking around, denying their feelings, lying to everyone and to each other about how they felt, they finally get married. In their backyard with about 100 people watching. Only two Montreal players show up - Hayden and JJ.

Shane’s dad and Ilya share a sweet moment that definitely made me cry.

Neither Shane or Ilya had thought about a wedding song so Ilya asks Harris to pick it. He picks Diamonds by Rihanna.

BEST NEWS EVER - We are getting a THIRD Ilya and Shane book. Unrivaled comes out September 2026